my thoughts on "carpe diem"
It’s not often that I read an article or hear a news story and comment on it. Mostly because I’m too intimidated to voice my opinion. When I write, I typically stick to my personal life, experiences and funny stories about my kids. The past two days, I’ve seen countless people re-post this story on Facebook, “Don’t Carpe Diem”. Carpe Diem - “seize the day”. I totally relate with so much of this article - probably because I’m constantly reminding myself, “enjoy the moments, enjoy the moments - they’re so precious.”
I do think parenting is just about the hardest thing I’ve ever done, yet at the same time, the most rewarding. I get it. The moments I’m standing in line at Target {which Silas reminded me yesterday is the only place I ever shop} and my kids are obnoxiously annoying one another, making me want to crawl into a hole and make a thousand excuses to the people around me as to why my kids are misbehaving - are not the moments where I think to myself, “cherish this.” Or the first time Silas told me, “You’re mean, mommy” or when Eli is in time out crying, “I want Daddy” trying to let me know that he’s unhappy and would much prefer Daddy over me. Those are the moments I feel like an absolute failure and wonder how I got it all wrong and convince myself that I’m a horrible excuse for a parent. I feel in over my head. I fantasize about how wonderful all the other mothers are and just hope I don’t screw up my kids or that they’ll grow up to hate me.
Obviously, during these moments - no one is going to think, “This is so great and precious! What a blessed opportunity to mother these angels.” IF, by some chance you ran into someone that did, you’d more than likely think that mom was ridiculous, delusional or fake. That’s just not reality. Reality is, the moments can be trying and exhausting. I can completely relate where this article said, “Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I'm not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I'm doing something wrong.”
I guess, my point is this -- even though every moment isn’t “cherish-able”, I shouldn’t let these moments define my day, my mood or my attitude. When the tough moments come, I desire to correct it, let it pass and enjoy the moments to follow. Believe me, I’m preaching to the choir here. I am the type of person that can be easily deflated. If my boys wake up on the wrong side of the bed, are whiny, I can’t get out the door on time and everything that could go wrong does -- I can fixate my mind on, “it’s a horrible day.” In those days, where I can’t get out of a funk - that’s when I feel defeated. It’s a day passed, a missed opportunity. I know the time with my little ones is fleeting. My boys are growing faster than I can blink. I want to cherish every moment that I can. The reason little old ladies come up to us young moms in the grocery stores and remind us of this is because it is true. It’s why when a first-time mom is about to have a baby, we, more experienced mother’s remind them, “enjoy it, enjoy it, enjoy it. Soak it all up, because you’ll turn around and your little one is 1...then 5 and beginning Kindergarten. The sleepless nights, spit up, poop and crying are worth every second, even if every single moment isn’t easy.”
And then I think about God’s words to us, “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” {Matthew 6:34} or “This is the day the LORD has made. {I} will rejoice and be glad in it.” {Psalm 118:24} or “Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.” {1 Thessalonians 5:18}
I get that no one does this perfectly. I certainly don’t. I fall short every. single. day. But, I certainly aspire to this.
I feel beyond blessed to be a parent to my two {almost three} boys. It’s funny, because there are moments that even in my frustration, I can cherish it and fall even more in love with my kids. One of the most beautiful sounds in the world to me is the pitter patter of Eli’s feet in the hallway at night. Though he’s probably gotten out of bed for the ten millionth time at this point and is about to drive me mad because he just needs to stay in bed, I also smile to myself and know that he just wants to be with me. He’s not trying to be bad -- he just wants to snuggle next to mommy. How could I not love that? I love hearing the sound of his voice at 5:30 a.m. on Saturday mornings proclaiming, “it’s Good Morning tiiiime. The sun’s up, Mommy!! Wake up!”. I love that when my kids are sad or hurt, the only thing in the world that will make it better is me. I love putting Silas to bed at night only to hear him say {even on the worst of days}, “Mommy, I love you so much. You’re the best Mommy ever.” I love that they know without a doubt {even when they’re in trouble} that Mommy and Daddy love them more than anything in the whole wide world ever.
More than anything, I’m thankful to have the opportunity to be a parent, because I more fully understand God’s love for me.
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