Pomp and Circumstance - the long overdue graduation blog.

June 30, 2011

Dum, du du du, duuuummm, dum. Dum, du du duuu, duuuuummm.

Silas Daniel - you graduated two weeks ago and I have yet to blog about it. Partially because it came at the end of one of the craziest weeks ever, right before our two week trip to Colorado/Texas. And partially, because I have not wanted to think about it. You're growing up before my very eyes and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I want to think about the day a little more than five years ago, that a teeny tiny, 7 pound, monkey-faced angel was placed in my arms. I want to think about the chubby cheeked two year old that could still barely speak words beyond "ma ma", "da da" and "ball". Rather, I see before me an articulate and descriptive communicator, a brilliant student and a boy that often seems wise beyond his years.

Last night I was thinking about how easy it is, as a mommy, to love a baby. Here is this beautiful creature that needs you to survive. It's easy to protect, care for and unconditionally love a helpless little being. It's easy to be needed. Even making it through the terrible two's, occasional temper tantrums, "no's" and "I don't want to's" is bearable, because you still need mommy and want mommy when you're hurt or in need of love or attention. Don't get me wrong, you're still easy to love. It's just that I'm not sure how this whole thing works - being a mom to a boy, and eventually a man. So much of it involves continually letting go just a little bit at a time. It means letting you explore on your own, go on adventures, take risks, thrive and sometimes even fail. It's watching Daddy be the hero, your best friend and favorite companion. I love, love, love all of these things - and I know that these things are right and best. But watching your baby grow up tugs at the core of a mommy's heart strings.

I've heard your thinking beginning to change very recently in some of our conversations. For the past year, ever since watching Toy Story 3, you've told me that you would "never go to college" because you never wanted to leave me. Two nights ago as we were sitting in the recliner together you said, "Mommy. I just love you so much. When I am bigger and I need to ask you a question, I'll just call you. Okay?" I teased you, "Heeeey! Wait a minute. I thought you weren't leaving." You smiled sheepishly and replied, "Oh yeah. My mistake. I forgot. I'm never leaving you, mommy."

And last night as I was tucking you in bed, you said, "Mom, when I grow up, I'll still see you sometimes."

That stung a little. I didn't tease you back, although wondering how your thought process has so quickly begun to change. Though is truly is what I desire for you, it's also a big reminder of how big you're getting. You're talking big. You're acting big. There is no baby left in you and you're constantly reminding us. You're only into things that are "cool" and "awesome". Things you so recently enjoyed just aren't cool enough any longer.

I cannot tell you how much I love you, or how proud I am of you. I wish everyone could see the you that Daddy and I see every day - your sincerity, your soft heart, your sweetness. You definitely portray these things to the people around you, but also tend to "FREEZE" (like a lizard, we say) in situations where you're uncomfortable, put on the spot or where lots of people are around. Believe me, sweet boy - I get this! You and I are two peas in a pod where this is concerned, which is why it's an area where I try to encourage you to grow. But the point is, you're sweet from the inside out and it's such a joy to be your mommy and watch you grow.

Two weeks ago, I watched you graduate from Love N' Learn Preschool. Before I can blink, it will be high school - and yes, even college. I'll never understand how it's possible for the time to pass so quickly. But I am forever blessed to be your mom. I am forever blessed to know you. You are one special boy, Silas Daniel Sniff, and don't you forget it. Don't ever question how much you are loved - by mommy and daddy, by your family and most importantly, God. God has blessed you with such a unique perspective, such a gentle heart and a sincerity that I don't see in a lot of people. I know God has huge plans for you, and I'll see to it as my job to encourage you in that direction. Even if it's hard. Even if it hurts at times. Even when you push away. I love you no matter what and there's nothing that can ever change that. I will also always be here for you.

You were so proud to graduate and you are practically jumping for joy at the thought of beginning Kinder. In your eyes, you will be "so big" to be at the Bulldog school. I am excited for you in that aspect and just in the fact that you love how big you're getting. Often, after you eat you'll ask if you got any bigger just in the few moments since you ate. You want muscles. You want to be tall like daddy. You want to be fast. And guess what - you're well on your way, little mister. You're the coolest, most awesome-est, sweetest, handsomest Silas I know. I love you to the moon and back.

***And fair warning, I probably will cry when you start Kinder. It probably will embarrass you. But, that's part of a mommy watching her baby grow up. I'm so, so proud of you. Thanks for being all that makes you, you.

If you have not seen Silas' graduation video, click ">here.

And here's a few photos from Instagram. I need to get the actual files off my work computer, but alas, I'm in Texas. I forgot I edited them there.