Quirky Me and a Prayer from Silas

It’s funny what makes a person who they are. We all have a past, experiences, influential people, beliefs, and values that make us who and what we are. I definintely believe we are born with a personality, certain characteristics and an obvious sin nature. I have seen it first hand with my kids - they are as opposite as opposite could be and they were born that way. That being said, environment and life experiences are also a huge factor as to who we become. When looking at myself, I see my strengths and weaknesses and often wonder what factored into me being me. Once I had kids, I saw those stengths and weaknesses magnified when I began seeing them in my children. It also gave me a greater desire to change some things, and help them with those particular issues in their lives. I can totally relate to my little Silas, who is such a little perfectionist and a people pleaser. He’s a total type A and I can literally see him stress out if something doesn’t go according to plan. I just want to scream, “No! Stop freaking out. It’s okay, Silas - don’t worry so much about every little thing!” On the inside I react this way, not because I am angry, but because I don’t want that for him - I’d love for him to be able to just go with the flow and relax. I don’t always understand my Eli, because he is so much like his daddy and I just don’t operate like he does. Isn’t that so true, that it’s much easier for us to understand and relate with people just like us? Hopefully we can glean from others that our different from us, even if we don’t always understand them. I learn a lot from Eli’s carefree attitude, love of adventure and excitement about life. Everything doesn’t have to be planned and perfect - it’s okay to be spontaneous and have a change in our schedule. Why is such a simple thing for one person, so difficult for another? Oh, the complexities that make up human beings!

So, some background on me. When I was born, the first thing I did was pee on the doctor. What a way to come out! I was a whopping 10 pounds, 4 ounces and the pastor of our church joked that it was a good thing my parents had a truck so they could bring me home! I was a very shy little girl and from what I understand, very compliant. This was probably due in part to my desire to please people. I very distinctly remember being labeled “perfect”. It’s funny to me how we so easily put labels on people. That kid is “mean” or “shy” or “good” or “bad”. Don’t people often live up to the expectations they are placed under? Probably like my boys, I was very different than my brother who probably got in trouble much more than I. Sorry Jay, it’s just true! :) One thing about growing up is I don’t ever remember my parents comparing the two of us - like why can you be more like this or that. I just remember hearing other adults talking about me saying things such as, “Oh, she is just so good.” Now why am I even talking about this? Well, because I feel that that factored in to what I believed about myself and also the things that I chose to do and not to do. I was raised in the church and very quickly decided for myself what was “good” and “bad” and had high moral values for myself. I think this is so dangerous, because it can quickly turn into pride. As teenager I didn’t cuss or drink or party, and to be honest, parts of me were proud to be able to say that. I didn’t believe those things to be right or lining up with what I believed, so I didn’t do them. I’m not saying my motivations for doing that were for my own benefit - I truly believed I wanted to live a God honoring life and wanted to glorify Him with my actions. But if we allow ourselves to veer off that even for a moment, we can start to believe that some of that “good” comes from within us, when really it is soley from God. The Message version of Ephesians 2:8-9 says, “Saving is all His idea, and all His work. All we do is trust Him enough to let him do it. It's God's gift from start to finish! We don't play the major role. If we did, we'd probably go around bragging that we'd done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work He does, the good work He has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.” We have no business thinking anything “good” we do is of our own accord. It’s only by God’s grace, and His grace alone, that we are anything at all. We can look at the adverse of this too. Sometimes it's easy to look at another person and think, "I could never do that." and immediately place judgment on them. But the truth is, apart from God, we are capable of anything. Or, if we allow our heart's to become numb and stray away from the Truth, who knows where we could potentially end up? Life doesn't always play out how we envisioned or dreamt it to be. Who knows what tomorrow holds? The only thing we can truly count on is God and that He'll always be there. The longer I live, the more I realize just how much I need Him.

My life definitely didn't pan out according to my plan - or what I thought to be God's plan. My entire youth, I had a desire to serve God on the mission field. That's why I went to Moody - to major in International Ministries. Turns out, I met Dusty, we got married, moved to California and now have two boys. I work at a private, Christian school, where my children also attend. If you would have asked me 10 years ago where I'd be in 10 years, living this life in San Diego probably wouldn't have crossed my mind as an option. But, here I am. If you would have told me 3 months ago that we'd be in the situation we're currently in with Dusty's job situation and such, I certainly wouldn't have guessed that either. What it comes down to is this - our survival depends on trusting solely in God. I can't count on "my" plans and we can't always count on other people - but we can always depend on Him. And again, life still may not lead us where we expect or to what we think we want, but we must trust that there's a purpose behind everything. So, in the midst of our circumstances, we must ask - how is God working in all of this? What would He have me to do, and more importantly - am I listening? I've had to remind myself a lot lately - just trust, Melissa. Just Trust.

So, that is what I am trying to do. I say trying, because I don't always succeed. I have moments where I get angry, frustrated, disappointed, confused, etc. But I also have times of peace and hope. I pray that in all things, I will place my hope and trust in Him. And, that I will also keep my perspective in line. No matter where we're at in life, there's always something to be thankful for. And, there's probably someone who's worse off. Do we really count our blessings, like the hymn says, because we truly should.

So, while I'm opening up, I thought I'd share some of my silly quirks (We all have them, right?) and random things about me. Ok, here goes..

1. I am very regimented with my schedule. Something out of the ordinary or spontaneous throws me for a loop. I can get past it, but sometimes it takes me a few minutes to soak it in. I'm sure that sounds totally stupid to most, but I have to figure out how it's going to work and how it'll affect the rest of my day first. I'm trying to get better!

2. I cannot leave the house without the beds made. Cannot do it. I don't care if I can make it when I come home and that I won't see it while I'm gone. It drives me crazy!

3. I love, love, love dry cereal. I couldn't tell you the last time I had a bowl of cereal with milk. I would go as far as saying I think I could live off of it!

4. Of all the things I do around the house, my favorite chore would be vacuuming. It makes me happy to see the lines in the carpet from the vacuum. I hate ironing. Really, simply, hate it. Or really, anything pertaining to laundry.

5. I absolutely love to read, but rarely have the chance. By the time the kids are in bed and I actually could sit down with a book, I'd much rather go to bed. Besides, reading makes me tired anyways!

6. I have to give my kids a bath in the morning. It would save me so much time if I did it at night, but again - something I'm weird about! Maybe that'll change one day.

7. I love cake. Of all desserts, I have a weakness for cake. I could pass up pie, brownies or ice cream without a thought. But put a piece of cake in front of me and I cave in less than a second.

8. When I was 7, I had a birthday party at a bowling alley. My final score - 8. Yes, it's possible.

9. I am a recent addict of Words with Friends. It's making me lose sleep at night because I can't put my phone down. Even if I do, I see the notification on my phone that it's my play. I give in. Sometimes I fall asleep with the phone in my hand.

10. Growing up, I had braces, I had no sense of style, I was in the band and I was a total dork. I know, Mom, you'll disagree but you have to. It really is true.

And, I'll save the BEST for last. Today, I was spending some time with my pregnant friend. I told Silas, "Look Silas, Mrs. Nichole has a baby in her belly. Can you believe it?" I told him it was a girl and he replied with a sigh, "Momma, I really do want a baby sister." I jokingly said, "You're gonna have to talk to God about that." A few moments later I noticed he had disappeared. I walked off to find him and he was hiding, crouched down. I asked, "Silas, what are you doing?" He said, "I'm praying, mom." "What are you praying, Silas?" He replied, "I prayed, 'Dear Lord, Thank you for this day. Please bless me. Please give me a baby sister. A-men!" I died laughing. We walked back and he told Mrs. Nichole what he had prayed. We both laughed again and he shouted, while laughing, "Momma, Daddy's going to FREAK OUT!" Total highlight of my day - maybe my week!