A new life, a thoughtful day

Anytime I hear of someone having a baby, it brings me back to me in the hospital with my two boys and I almost re-live the experience. There is nothing like the experience of your child being born. People sometimes think I'm funny because I didn't particularly enjoy too much about being pregnant (except feeling my baby move), but loved the whole labor and delivery thing. For me, it was the most special and unique thing I have ever done. There is absolutely nothing in this world like holding and meeting your baby for the first time. It is truly magical.

Again, I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with Eli. I'm sure most everyone knows, but he was a complete surprise. I had such mixed emotions because I didn't feel prepared for another baby, but all the sudden I found myself having to prepare for it. So anyhow, I had Bible study that night but Dusty and I had decided not to tell anyone because neither of us had really had a chance to let the news sink in. Everyone had left Bible study and Nichole and I were sitting there talking. Dusty sent me a text, "go ahead and tell everyone, I told my parents". To be honest, I was a little upset and remember looking up at Nichole and almost angrily snapped, "I'm pregnant!!" I'm not sure if she was more surprised at my news, or my way of announcing it!

So again, a couple months later Nichole had Carson. One night I went and sat up in the hospital with her for awhile and we watched a movie. I had that same sort of feeling with Carson as with Brady. I didn't even get to hold him because he was having to stay under the lights for jaundice and Nichole could only go get him to feed him. But just seeing him, gave me that realization that I was really having another baby and I just got so excited. Again, it became real to me. Honestly, I get so, so excited when a baby is being born. I almost can't handle it! I love, love, love it! I think every birth and birth story is exciting. But because of my associations with Nichole's babies and my own experiences, there is something different about it.

Anyhow, so today was interesting for me because I couldn't help but think about her in the hospital with baby Peyton. I didn't get a chance to go see her yet, but plan to do so very soon! But all day, I just kept remembering the days that Silas and Eli were born. On top of that, Silas was being insanely cute today, calling me "honey". I was in the bathroom getting ready and he said, "honey, come on. We are ready to go." I died laughing! I have no idea where he heard that, because Dusty does not call me honey. I asked him where he heard that word and he said, "no-phing." Then he thought it was hilarious so kept calling me "honey" all day. Later, he was watching something on tv and kept saying, "momma, that's so beautiful". He is all into using new words lately and trying to figure out if he's using it properly. It's fascinating to watch his little mind work as he learns new things and tries to put things together. I know there's nothing spectacular about the word "beautiful", but I guess at the time it seemed like such a grown-up word. I remember looking at him and wondering how he grew up so fast. It's fun to reminisce and as much as I loved my boys being babies, you could never go back. I really try to savor the moments because every stage is so special. As fun as it is to go back and look at baby pictures and sometimes even get a little sad, I love his little personality. I love his innocence, the funny things he says and does, his silly little quirks, and how everything is bigger than life. I love how he gives me a play by play of everything he does, often before he does it. "Momma, I will go potty and then I will ask you for some strawberry milk and some cereal. And then I will ask you to turn on a movie." I love how he tells me, "momma, I love you" all the time without me telling him first. I love how he is so sweet and polite, yet can also be super whiny and annoying. And Eli - I love how he has two extremes - happy and mad. He is either the happiest kid on the face of the planet, or so upset because something is terribly wrong (well, in his world it is). I love how he literally pops up out of bed and is ready to get moving. He does not gradually wake up, like Silas (who can take half an hour), he's just instantly on the go. I love how practically all he says lately is "oh no. Oh NO! OH no! OH NO!" Yes, you can say it many different ways! I love how I know exactly what he wants even though he can't tell me. I love how I find him opening the cabinet next to the fridge looking for fruit snacks (he found my hiding spot). I just love them. Everything about them. Not because they are perfect - if anything, they both have many things they need to learn to deal with. But because they are so wonderfully Silas and Eli. They are the most precious gifts I have ever received and I love them with every ounce of me. There is certainly no way to describe the love a parent has for their children. Often it's even hard for me to wrap my head around loving them both so much - so equally, yet so differently. I could never qualify my love for them or have a favorite. Though I love certain things about both of them, neither is more special than the other. It is truly the most amazing love I have ever experienced, and the best example of how I believe God loves us, His children. It is the clearest picture of unconditional love that I think we have.

So all that to say, today was a mixture of emotions. I was happy, a little sad, thoughtful, and somewhat restless. Yes, I know it's a lot for one day but this whole experience just took my mind to so many different levels. It brought me back in time, made me enjoy today, and also made me wonder about the future. On that note, congratulations Josh and Nichole. We are overwhelmingly excited for the completion of your little family and cannot wait to meet your baby girl. Also, you probably never knew how much your experiences effected mine. So, thank you for sharing yours with me!