social media in my life, {part one}

March 25, 2014

It was such a strange weekend. So out of the ordinary, and completely off our typical routine. I felt overwhelmed. So much so that I caught myself thinking, "I'm just trying to not fail right now."

As I sat in my bathroom quietly getting ready, my mind proceeded to go into overdrive wondering where those thoughts stemmed from. I began forming some interesting ideas, of which I thought would be fascinating to dialogue about. Here's the thing - because of my personality, I can so quickly go from everything is just fine to I am a failure. I tend to have a perfectionist mindset. If I am going to do something, I want to do it well. {Quick example: Let's say I lose my cool or am impatient with one of my kids. My brain says, "you screwed up." "You are horrible at this." "Your kids are going to grow up and hate you... or at least not like you... because you screwed up."

Clearly, these are lies. Well, hello!   Huge problem here - I am not, nor is anyone else, perfect. Nonetheless, I have huge expectations of myself and from everyone around me. At least it feels that way, anyway.

I was thinking about how stressed out I can get and all the pressures that surround my day-to-day life. We live in a social media world, where our lives can be one giant comparison to the next person. Not that this didn't always exist, it's just that in our current age, it's a constant, in-your-face bombardment. How do I shape up to everyone else? On days where I am feeling like a failure, the last thing I need is to fill my mind with idealistic false realities that everyone else's life is perfect.  I could lie and say that I have it altogether, am one hundred percent content all of the time, and fully place my trust in God all of the time. I don't. I struggle, I fail, I compare. Then I beat myself up for doing that. Ha. You get how this can become a tireless cycle, right?

So here's what I was wondering:

1.) How has social media/environment impacted my life?
2.) How do I contribute to it?
and finally,
3.) Getting back to the basics - what can I change and what have I learned?

I thought I would post this in parts, because I have quite a bit to say about each question. Oh, and please keep in mind - this is all my opinion. I'm kind of talking out loud, just sorting through these ideas. No need to agree!

1.) How has social media/environment impacted my life?

Well, it's hard to say what would have been. It's not like I can magically transform my life to where social media does not exist, imagine raising my kids in a different time, or see in a magic looking glass what my life would look like in a different environment. What I can do is think about things that I feel have changed about me in light of those things.

In high school, I was so oblivious. Of course, I noticed some things, but very much kept myself in the dark. I was very quiet, did what I was supposed to, didn't date, didn't socialize much other than church, and was kind of a dork. I mean, I was in the band. #nerdalert

Of course, I wondered what it would be like to be "popular". If you know anything about Texas, you know that high school football is everything. If there was an out of town game, half the town would caravan to the away game. The school rented buses - not school buses but nice, chartered buses to transport the cheerleaders, the drill team, the band, and no doubt, the football team to the game. I remember walking past the drill team bus and wondering what it would be like to be in there. But having absolutely no exposure or any clue into what that world was, I quickly moved passed it. Even within the band, there was a hierarchy. The band traveled with 4 chartered buses and yes, my friends, there was the "popular" bus. Yes, band hierarchy. No joke. That aside, my point here is that even though my little mind may have wondered the what if's, I didn't have an in-my-face insight via Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter of just how different it was. There was only so far I could take the comparisons. I could live in my own little world and not be affected by the cool kids.

Fast forward a few years, I remember not having a cell phone. In fact, I didn't own one until we moved to San Diego, post college. Even still, it only made phone calls. What was a text? Facebook didn't exist to the general public and Instagram was years out. I could still maintain the reality of my own close little circle.

Now fast forward to the introduction to MySpace and other social networks.

Don't get me wrong - Facebook was awesome. I loved everything about it. I could look up everyone I knew, and snoop into what was going on in their lives. Until I started comparing. And Instagram? Genius. My own little heaven. I am good for at least 10 IG's a day. Until, I see the freshly planted garden a friend posted, or the organic, gluten free dinner someone just made. And I made macaroni and cheese {the non-organic, gluten free, bad for you kind} because I was too tired to whip up anything else. That kind of made me feel less than par. Pinterest = doom. I'm not into Pinterest, but definitely see the effects it's had on moms across the land. It's created this giant undercover game of who can out-do the other moms. Maybe not intentionally, but very realistically.

Examples: School parties. I'm looking for the easiest/cheapest thing to bring. $5 for pizza? Sure! That takes no effort. A box of juice? Heck yeah, I can handle that. After all, at this point I'm lucky if I just remember to grab the juice from the store. And then, that mom walks in with the sandwiches that are cut into beautiful shapes and the fruits and veggies that have been transformed into butterflies and dolphins. What? Oh, it's cute. But you also kinda hate that mom. On the inside you're thinking, I wish I would have done that.

Birthday parties. Gone are the days of going to Party City and calling it a day with cheesy plastic table cloths. Now you have to make everything from scratch {or at least buy it from your favorite Etsy shop} so it looks like a party that could be photographed for a magazine. Nothing is simple anymore.

Now, when I see the 5 miles so and so tracked on Runkeeper and posted to Facebook, I feel like a failure if I didn't do the same - even though I did get up at 4:15 a.m. to work out. When I see the beautiful homemade cupcakes another mom made, I feel bad about the store bought ones. That awesome new cut and color my middle school friend from Texas who now lives in Florida got? Well, now my hair doesn't look so great. That date night that "perfect" couple got to go on last Friday night? Man, I already said it - they're perfect. Oh, or when I post something and then overanalyze what everyone might think, because I didn't get as many likes as I think it should've or as many as I would have wanted.

I guess what I'm saying is I can let Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest, you name it, take my insecurities and further rub them in my face. Because, I'm weak like that. I get sucked in. Even though I know my perceptions are not by any means reality, I tend to let my imagination get the better of me.

But okay, guys! What's even crazier is when I start to think about how I impact social media. I am not just an observer, but an active part of it. I post the photo of the homemade sushi, the shot perfectly positioned so you can see my running shoes and jogging stroller both in plain view - just so you can see that I enjoyed my run, the photo of my kids playing perfectly and peacefully together, etc.  Clearly, I can let these same sort of things harm my person, if I let my perspectives get out of line.  Am I doing this to other people as well? And, should I own any responsibility for that? Deep thoughts to consider, no?

I'll dive further into that next!

Clearly, I'm making some generalizations and being a bit sarcastic to point out what I think to be a very real issue - at least for me. I guess I'm fascinated by how it's impacted our society, our views of ourselves, and even more interested in how it will impact the generation my kids are growing up in.

What do you think? How has social media impacted YOU?

P.S. If you have time, THIS is fascinating. It's a special that PBS made called "Generation Like" that is incredibly thought provoking! I encourage you to watch. It poses the question, "what happens when the traditional teenage quest for identity and connection occurs online?"