a letter to my three boys.
To my three lovebugs.
Labor Day, or “J” Day - whatever you prefer to call it, is fast approaching. Also, Mother’s Day. We’ve been preparing for months for our Mother’s Tea at school and it’s finally the week. It’s hard to not think about what being a mommy {your mommy} means to me. And, due to the fact that my body is raging with hormones, I cannot help but be flooded with emotion and thoughts of what I wish to say to each of you.
First, Silas Daniel {my first baby} -
You came out a momma’s boy. Very early on, you didn’t want much to do with anyone but me. If you dared allow someone else the opportunity for your affection, it’s rare you’d let me get out of your eye sight without going bananas. If the term “attached at the hip” ever applied to anyone, it’d be you! But, you were always so content. Other than being a difficult sleeper, you were such an easy baby - so mellow, happy to sit next to me and play for hours, and were affectionately known as my “chunky monkey”.
I distinctly remember this very moment.
This was days before your brother, Eli, was born. I laid next to you in the bed and sobbed - hysterically {also due in part to the crazy hormones!}. I remember feeling so sad that you weren’t going to be my “baby” anymore. I didn’t understand how I could love anything else the way I loved you. I felt sad that somehow I was going to ruin your life and didn’t want you to think that you were being replaced. Also, due to your “momma’s boy” ways, I was terrified of how you’d handle a baby. Boy, was I in for a surprise.
You were made to be a big brother. I never would have expected or predicted it, but you adored “your baby Eli” from the moment you laid your big, blue eyes on him. You were facinated - enthralled - totally in love. You were not jealous. I hadn’t ruined your life. God made you for Eli and it still, to this day, blows my mind. You took on your new role with ease and my heart practically bursted seeing the two of you together. Now, I knew it was possible to love another being as I loved you - but not only did I now get it, I think that love multiplied even more. How is this possible?
 |
| you were two peas in a pod from the very beginning. |
Eli Jackson {my second baby} -
Now, I’m going to get teary eyed. Every time I look at you lately, my heart hurts - I feel the same as I did with baby Silas, even though I know you were also made to be a big brother. I just can’t see how the big picture looks yet. Although all three of you will always be my “babies” no matter how big you get, we’re in the final days of you as my actual baby. If you would have told me a year ago that I would be pregnant again, I would not have believed it. Deep down, I really thought you were going to be the baby of our family. My biggest fear with you is the terrible, infamous “middle child” syndrome. The last thing I would ever want is for you to feel as though you were just somewhere in the middle - or not special. Because, you, my friend, are so crazy special I cannot put it into words.
You’ve always been happy. You were a happy, smiley baby and as you’ve grown, your enthusiasm is contagious where ever you go. Rather than calling you our “middle”, it’s more accurate to call your our Eli sandwich. You LOVE being an Eli sandwich. When Mommy and Daddy pick you up and hug you with you in the middle, you giggle like a mad man. I want to let you in on a little secret -- some of the BEST things in life come in the middle. A sandwich, for example. Though it wouldn’t be a sandwich without the bread, which is equally important, the tastiest part of a sandwich is what’s inside. Or, how about something more along your train of thoughts -- m&m’s. The hard, candy shell is great and all - but it’s the chocolate that makes the m&m. So, my dear Eli - I want you to know just how special you are. You’re the life of the party, the comedian of our house and will always have our attention and love no matter what. You’re our perfect middle - our perfect Eli sandwich. And, don’t you forget it!
I know that God has prepared you to take on the role as a big brother. In many ways, I see where you don’t want to be the baby. You’re tired of being the smallest - feeling like you’re always being beaten in everything and want to be big just like your big brother. In fact, if it were up to you, you’d magically transform from 3 to 5 and be in Kindergarten alongside Silas. Now’s your opportunity. One thing I ask -- teach your baby brother your contagious energy, joy and all your funny tricks. There’s no other Eli Jackson that ever existed, but the world could use more of you! You were our little surprise baby, but the BEST surprise I’ve ever received. My world could not exist without you in it. I love, love, love you Mister.
Jeremiah Steven {my baby, baby} -
The closer your arrival gets, the more I long to meet you. I am truly in awe of the miracle that is happening within my body. God is knitting you together and you are perfectly formed and perfectly known by Him. I’m anxiously awaiting the day that I get to know you - to look into your sweet eyes, hear your first cry, see the little dimple on your chin and see just what your personality is like. The only thing I do know about you is you are definitely adorable and either crazy hyper, training to be a kick boxer or are destined to be a horrible sleeper. You move non-stop for hours at a time. I haven’t minded so much until now that your little legs are kicking my ribs all. day. long. - but don’t worry, I still love you :) Know that you are very special and also lucky. You’re going to have the two best big brothers in the whole wide world. You’re practically the luckiest baby in the world - and, will probably be the most spoiled. Your brothers have been counting down the days forever now! Eli thinks your coming on his birthday and Silas has been praying that you come out as soon as you’re good and ready and that you’ll be strong and healthy.
I love you already and cannot wait to finally meet you.
Until we meet face to face,
- Your Mommy
1 Comments
What a perfect description of Silas and Eli. They are so blessed to have a mother who loves them so fiercely.
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