Honesty
As defined by Wikipedia, pride is the lofty view of one's self or one's own. According to Augustine, it is "the love of one's own excellence." The opposite of pride is humility.
Pride is sometimes viewed as excessive or as a vice, sometimes as proper or as a virtue. While some philosophies such as Aristotle's consider pride a profound virtue, most world religions consider it a sin. The Roman Catholic Church lists pride as the most deadly of the seven deadly sins.
I don’t even know where to begin. Growing up, I truly believe I had a unique desire to serve the Lord. I was extremely naive and had sort of an *innocence* for a very long time. It’s really hard to use that word, because we are all sinful and all guilty of our sins....obviously if we are Believers, our sins are forgiven and Christ takes on that sin, but my point is not to get into a theological discussion. Its almost hard to define it I guess, especially looking back. It’s difficult to put myself back in that place when I’m so far from it - though often I long for it. But I’ll still try. I just want to be honest with myself, and I don’t care anymore - I’m not afraid to spill my guts and let people know what I struggle with and what’s going on inside of me. Anyone can feel free to judge me, but I know I am only accountable to one Judge. I just want to be real.
Like I said, I believe my desire to serve the Lord was so incredibly genuine. I honestly wanted to live for Christ and “do the right things” because I desired to serve God and because I have a relationship with Him. I wanted to minister to people and wanted to make a difference - I wanted people to know the God that I knew. But the problem with this, is being a young girl that wasn’t doing the same kind of horrible, awful things that teenagers do (even though all sins are equal in God’s eyes, I wasn’t doing the things that “Christians” view as immoral), I found myself being praised. In passing I would hear that I was *perfect*. Not that anyone is perfect or anyone really believed that I was, but because I was different, people viewed that as a good thing. It wasn’t even just as a teenager. I remember hearing this from a very young age, because apparently I was pretty compliant. But eventually, this began to seep into my head. So that puts the pressure on me to be or at least seem perfect. Not only that, but in hearing this and then believing that I am somehow different, then I begin to judge. I knew that I was no better than anyone else and that all sin is the same in God’s eyes, but deep down I think everyone has thought “well I would never do that”. It’s funny because my natural tendency right now is wanting to somehow justify that. Like, isn’t everyone judgmental in someway? Aren’t Christians the most judgmental of all people? But, I am only accountable for myself. Therefore, I must resist that urge and simply continue to be honest with myself and about myself.
Why are we so afraid to be real? Why are we so afraid for people to know how we really think and feel? Deep down, aren’t we all the same. Maybe our struggles vary, but we all struggle. Maybe we feel all alone and if people really knew us, they wouldn’t like us or worse...wouldn’t love us. Maybe that’s why we are judgmental. If we think someone else seems worse than us, then it makes us feel better about ourself. Why can’t we just be open and honest with one another about our struggles and then be there for each other - pray for one another - encourage one another to be better. As Christians, we should not be alone. Rather, we should be warriors for one another - fighting for the other’s causes - fighting for them to be better! Why discourage someone by making them feel guilty and causing them to believe that they are their sin? Isn’t that so opposite of what God calls us to do? Why do we choose to judge? I am asking myself this crucial question this very moment because I don’t understand it about myself. It is so against who I want to be, but still I find myself doing it - even though I know I am no better than anyone else.
They say that reverse pride is just as bad. I guess that would be someone trying to be overly humble? We’ve all met people that do that - and its equally unattractive. It’s another way of trying to feel better about ourself - downplaying or bashing ourself so someone will tell us the contrary.
So what do I struggle with... other than this obvious pride issue? I have always had an incredibly low self-esteem. I have never been a confident person and this played out with me being incredibly shy as a child and very distant as an adult. It’s really hard for me to talk with people, especially people I don’t know really well because I don’t think I’ve got much to offer them. Why would they want to know me or care what I have to say anyway? Because, who am I? This is beginning to sound like the reverse pride I was talking about. I guess I struggle with both.
Now that I’m going down this track, maybe I should start talking about what is truth, because that would solve this issue. If I really believe the things I say I believe, I would know that I am not nothing, because I am God’s child. I was created in His image and He loves me unconditionally. Though my sin is not okay or justifiable, it is forgiven. That doesn’t give me an excuse to sin - as Jesus said, “Go and sin no more”. In fact, as our relationship with God grows, I believe He does take away many of those desires to sin. We will never be perfect, but as we become more and more like Him, we can choose to operate through our spirit and not our flesh. And if I truly believed that in Him, I am a new creation and that He loves me - I will know that I do have something to offer people. I have Christ to share with them.
The thing about living through the acceptance of other people or even placing our trust in people, is that they will always, eventually fail us. I cannot expect my husband, my children, my friends, etc. to satisfy me. It goes so much deeper than that. The true longings of my soul can only be fulfilled by God. I do, one hundred percent believe that God created us for relationships with not only Him, but with people. But when we solely invest in and count on other people and not God, we will continue to be disappointed.
Another thing I am learning is no matter what my past holds, I am still responsible for today and for my future. No matter how anyone has harmed or disappointed me, I am accountable for what I do with that. I can choose to excuse my behavior as a result of the past and blame someone else for why I am the way I am or I can rise above that and become the person I know God created me to be. Talk to anyone. Many people are full of excuses - “I am this way because of this. I do this because of this”. And let’s not discount that. Maybe, there is some validity in those things and that person needs to work through the issues. However, choosing to be stuck in that place because you have just settled on being a victim is wrong. We are called to be something much greater. We may not always understand the circumstances we’ve been through - the people we’ve met - the places we’ve been, but we’re not always supposed to. Right now, this very moment - God has allowed you to be where you are and me to be where I am. Now what are we going to do with that?
I don’t know exactly where it will take me, but I want to find out what God has in store. So, join with me. Let’s change. Let’s change together. Let’s not be afraid to move forward and pursue that to which God has called us. We still will not be perfect and will fall, but let’s pick one another up. Let’s be united in and through Christ. Let’s forgive. Let’s love. Let’s pursue Christ and be Christ-like - living up to the label we have placed on ourselves as Christians. And it all starts with being honest with yourself and with God. And heck, with other people. Let’s not be afraid to show our scars and bare our souls. If we can be real, maybe we can stir up some change. Maybe, just maybe, we can make a difference for the cause of Christ.
Pride is sometimes viewed as excessive or as a vice, sometimes as proper or as a virtue. While some philosophies such as Aristotle's consider pride a profound virtue, most world religions consider it a sin. The Roman Catholic Church lists pride as the most deadly of the seven deadly sins.
I don’t even know where to begin. Growing up, I truly believe I had a unique desire to serve the Lord. I was extremely naive and had sort of an *innocence* for a very long time. It’s really hard to use that word, because we are all sinful and all guilty of our sins....obviously if we are Believers, our sins are forgiven and Christ takes on that sin, but my point is not to get into a theological discussion. Its almost hard to define it I guess, especially looking back. It’s difficult to put myself back in that place when I’m so far from it - though often I long for it. But I’ll still try. I just want to be honest with myself, and I don’t care anymore - I’m not afraid to spill my guts and let people know what I struggle with and what’s going on inside of me. Anyone can feel free to judge me, but I know I am only accountable to one Judge. I just want to be real.
Like I said, I believe my desire to serve the Lord was so incredibly genuine. I honestly wanted to live for Christ and “do the right things” because I desired to serve God and because I have a relationship with Him. I wanted to minister to people and wanted to make a difference - I wanted people to know the God that I knew. But the problem with this, is being a young girl that wasn’t doing the same kind of horrible, awful things that teenagers do (even though all sins are equal in God’s eyes, I wasn’t doing the things that “Christians” view as immoral), I found myself being praised. In passing I would hear that I was *perfect*. Not that anyone is perfect or anyone really believed that I was, but because I was different, people viewed that as a good thing. It wasn’t even just as a teenager. I remember hearing this from a very young age, because apparently I was pretty compliant. But eventually, this began to seep into my head. So that puts the pressure on me to be or at least seem perfect. Not only that, but in hearing this and then believing that I am somehow different, then I begin to judge. I knew that I was no better than anyone else and that all sin is the same in God’s eyes, but deep down I think everyone has thought “well I would never do that”. It’s funny because my natural tendency right now is wanting to somehow justify that. Like, isn’t everyone judgmental in someway? Aren’t Christians the most judgmental of all people? But, I am only accountable for myself. Therefore, I must resist that urge and simply continue to be honest with myself and about myself.
Why are we so afraid to be real? Why are we so afraid for people to know how we really think and feel? Deep down, aren’t we all the same. Maybe our struggles vary, but we all struggle. Maybe we feel all alone and if people really knew us, they wouldn’t like us or worse...wouldn’t love us. Maybe that’s why we are judgmental. If we think someone else seems worse than us, then it makes us feel better about ourself. Why can’t we just be open and honest with one another about our struggles and then be there for each other - pray for one another - encourage one another to be better. As Christians, we should not be alone. Rather, we should be warriors for one another - fighting for the other’s causes - fighting for them to be better! Why discourage someone by making them feel guilty and causing them to believe that they are their sin? Isn’t that so opposite of what God calls us to do? Why do we choose to judge? I am asking myself this crucial question this very moment because I don’t understand it about myself. It is so against who I want to be, but still I find myself doing it - even though I know I am no better than anyone else.
They say that reverse pride is just as bad. I guess that would be someone trying to be overly humble? We’ve all met people that do that - and its equally unattractive. It’s another way of trying to feel better about ourself - downplaying or bashing ourself so someone will tell us the contrary.
So what do I struggle with... other than this obvious pride issue? I have always had an incredibly low self-esteem. I have never been a confident person and this played out with me being incredibly shy as a child and very distant as an adult. It’s really hard for me to talk with people, especially people I don’t know really well because I don’t think I’ve got much to offer them. Why would they want to know me or care what I have to say anyway? Because, who am I? This is beginning to sound like the reverse pride I was talking about. I guess I struggle with both.
Now that I’m going down this track, maybe I should start talking about what is truth, because that would solve this issue. If I really believe the things I say I believe, I would know that I am not nothing, because I am God’s child. I was created in His image and He loves me unconditionally. Though my sin is not okay or justifiable, it is forgiven. That doesn’t give me an excuse to sin - as Jesus said, “Go and sin no more”. In fact, as our relationship with God grows, I believe He does take away many of those desires to sin. We will never be perfect, but as we become more and more like Him, we can choose to operate through our spirit and not our flesh. And if I truly believed that in Him, I am a new creation and that He loves me - I will know that I do have something to offer people. I have Christ to share with them.
The thing about living through the acceptance of other people or even placing our trust in people, is that they will always, eventually fail us. I cannot expect my husband, my children, my friends, etc. to satisfy me. It goes so much deeper than that. The true longings of my soul can only be fulfilled by God. I do, one hundred percent believe that God created us for relationships with not only Him, but with people. But when we solely invest in and count on other people and not God, we will continue to be disappointed.
Another thing I am learning is no matter what my past holds, I am still responsible for today and for my future. No matter how anyone has harmed or disappointed me, I am accountable for what I do with that. I can choose to excuse my behavior as a result of the past and blame someone else for why I am the way I am or I can rise above that and become the person I know God created me to be. Talk to anyone. Many people are full of excuses - “I am this way because of this. I do this because of this”. And let’s not discount that. Maybe, there is some validity in those things and that person needs to work through the issues. However, choosing to be stuck in that place because you have just settled on being a victim is wrong. We are called to be something much greater. We may not always understand the circumstances we’ve been through - the people we’ve met - the places we’ve been, but we’re not always supposed to. Right now, this very moment - God has allowed you to be where you are and me to be where I am. Now what are we going to do with that?
I don’t know exactly where it will take me, but I want to find out what God has in store. So, join with me. Let’s change. Let’s change together. Let’s not be afraid to move forward and pursue that to which God has called us. We still will not be perfect and will fall, but let’s pick one another up. Let’s be united in and through Christ. Let’s forgive. Let’s love. Let’s pursue Christ and be Christ-like - living up to the label we have placed on ourselves as Christians. And it all starts with being honest with yourself and with God. And heck, with other people. Let’s not be afraid to show our scars and bare our souls. If we can be real, maybe we can stir up some change. Maybe, just maybe, we can make a difference for the cause of Christ.
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