Plastic People & Playing in the Rain

October 20, 2010

Brutal Honesty. Here goes.

Let me preface with saying, I am the last person that believes I have it all together. Preaching at people is the furtherest thought from my mind and not my heart. Rather, I like to share things that are on my heart. Take it or leave it.

I know I've been on my soap box lately about being "real". Today at work, I had my iTunes open and clicked on an old playlist. Casting Crowns came on. Funny how music brings you back to periods in your life. This particular album is so distinct to when I was pregnant with Silas. Once I find music I like, I typically listen to it on repeat until I am downright sick of it. There is the possibility of this taking months. I've been on a Glee stint for about a year now and refuse to listen to anything else while running. I listened to this Casting Crowns album basically my entire pregnancy with Silas. As I was listening today, one particular song struck a chord with me, the words poignant.

The lyrics are specifically directed towards being in church, however, I think this can really apply to our everyday lives. In fact, I edited out "in church today" from the first verse only to make the point that I feel it's universal.

Is there anyone that fails

Is there anyone that falls

Am I the only one feeling so small

Cause when I take a look around

Everybody seems so strong

I know they'll soon discover

That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay

If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too

So with a painted grin, I play the part again

So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Why do we do this? Why must we put on a facade - as if everything is perfect? Why must we be so protective of our flaws, and live almost in essence, in hiding. I'm not advocating walking around spilling our beans to every soul we come in contact with. We shouldn't walk in the gas station and when asked "how is your day", tell the clerk our deepest, darkest problems. In fact, that's just awkward and uncalled for. I also don't condone going around saying whatever you please, because that's "you" and it's someone else's problem if they have a problem with it. I only question why we are so afraid to be real - to be vulnerable - to have relationships that are not contingent upon how "good" or "perfect" we are. Isn't that the beauty of family - or how family should be? They know our flaws, yet still love us, mistakes and all. Often these relationships can be hard. They can be raw. But they are dynamic.

The chorus goes on to say:

Are we happy plastic people

Under shiny plastic steeples

With walls around our weakness

And smiles to hide our pain

But if the invitation's open

To every heart that has been broken

Maybe then we close the curtain

On our stained glass masquerade

Part of the second verse says:

Only when no one is watching

Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free

If I dared to let you see

The truth behind the person

That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open

Or would you walk away

Would the love of Jesus

Be enough to make you stay

I think this could apply to so many different areas of our lives, not just spiritually. For example, I remember talking with my sister-in-law one day about being a mom. She began by saying something to the effect of, "this may sound weird - but have you ever felt ...." I could tell she felt somewhat intimidated in asking, maybe in fear of being judged. My response - "YES!! Oh my gosh, I'm glad I know someone else has felt the same thing." Basically we were in complete agreeance and understanding of some of the thoughts we had had, and in our true and honest feelings of some aspects of being a mom. It's not always easy - but why is that hard to admit? What if we would have been afraid to talk about it?

There's been a lot of talk in the news lately about suicide. What if people who were really, truly struggling and contemplating suicide would talk to someone first? What if they felt like one person on the face of the planet really cared, could relate or really loved them? Would it change anything? What brings someone to the state of complete hopelessness that they feel they cannot go on a moment longer? What if we didn't have to be "fake". What if we could share our joys and struggles, open and honestly? What if?

Again, I say none of this as if I have it all figured out. I only pose the question, "what if?"

Does anyone else get what I'm saying? It's just a thought. It's really been on my heart lately. How would our lives look if we had those key people in our lives that we could really be true with? How would that kind of love impact those around us? Hopefully we all have people we are close to - but how honest and real are we with even those people?

All that aside...

Today, we played in the rain. The boys were soaked. They were thrilled. There was shrieking, squealing and laughing. It was contagious.

Afterwards, they got a warm bath and possibly had more fun splishing and splashing in the tub than playing in the rain. It was grand. It was cheap entertainment. It was pure, innocent FUN.