parenting - {from the first, to the third}
Parenting. You don't understand it until you are one. Prior to being inducted into the club, you have loads of ideas on what it will be like, how you will be as a parent, things your parents could should have done differently, and varied opinions on how other people should parent.
And then, your little miracle arrives. Perhaps it wasn't as easy as it looked.
No doubt, your first is pretty much trial and error. By default, as parents, it's easy to be overly cautious, nervous, and perhaps a bit scared out of your minds. In many ways, you're just not rational. By number two, you have some experience under your belt and it's more of a "hey, I got this" - "been there, done that" frame of mind. You realize your kid doesn't have to meet every milestone at the pediatrician's suggested timeline and also are more inclined to accept advise. It is a huge transition from one to two, but at least you know what to expect. And by the third {clearly as far as we've gotten}, you're all, "hey kid. you're cute. welcome to the fam." You're outnumbered, but hey - all the more love to go around.
And now for some practical examples of how this is played out:
Scenario 1: You are at a family function with your baby.
Kid 1: Two words, eagle eyes. Did you know - "The eagle eye is among the strongest in the animal kingdom, with an eyesight estimated at 4 to 8 times stronger than that of the average human. An eagle is said to be able to spot a rabbit 2 miles away." Need I elaborate? Sure. Eyes are on said child the entire time. You are carefully observing every person holding him, waiting to catch them just trying to feed him something he's not supposed to have. You are consciously aware of his every move. You are waiting for him to make a peep so you can go rescue your baby. I mean, it's your baby and you want to hold him. You just can't get enough.
Kid 2: As you walk in, you hand him off. You are tired. You've been chasing a toddler and a 10 minute break sounds glorious. If he needs you, of course you are ready and willing to help. But hey, you've got nothing to prove. You're a good mom and your baby loves you - you just need a nap.
Kid 3: Where is the baby, again? Oh, I'm sure he's fine. Whatev. As long as we get him before we go...
Scenario 2: Preschool Graduation
{just a brief preface. I clearly remember, pre-kids, watching some preschool parents drop off their little darlings on the first day of school, video cameras in hand, sobbing. I may or may not have thought it was kind of funny.}
Kid 1: Dum da da da dum duuum, dum da da da duuuuum. Sob. Sob, sob, SOB, SOB. "I just can't believe he'll be in Kindergarten next year?!? Where does the time go? I promise I had him YESTERDAY. Boo. hoo. hoo."
Kid 2: Laughing hysterically. Smiling like a goon. "Oh, he is just oh so cute up there!! Look at him in that cap and gown. Just presh."
Kid 3: Yet to be determined. However, somehow I think it'll be a mixture of laughter and tears. After all, it is the baby.
Scenario 3: First report card/Homework.
Kid 1: My child is a GENIUS. I'm so glad I read with him every single day. All those flashcards pre-preschool days definitely paid off. Wow! He is sure to be a doctor or scientist!
I see in your Week-at-a-Glance that the 100th day of school is coming up in three weeks. Let's get started on your project tonight.
Kid 2: Stink. Have I checked your folder this week? Hmm. How long has this report card been in here? I'm just glad you made it to school every day. I mean... almost every day. Hehe.
Oh no. You're supposed to bring a project for your 100th day of school? That was YESTERDAY? HOW did I MISS this?
Kid 3: You aren't even in school yet. Do you have shoes on? No? Well, at least you are half way dressed. I hope I packed enough diapers today.
Scenario 4: Germs
Kid 1: To someone wanting to hold your child: Two words - antibacterial soap. Are you clean? Have you been sick, been around anyone that's sick, and have you been vaccinated? Have you been fever free for a minimum of 72 hours? Did you wash your hands for 5 minutes? OH, and IF you're thinking about holding this child, make sure he is not in the sun or his eyes aren't in the direct light. He is delicate.
To child: Don't put that in your mouth! Now you need a bath. And a change of clothes. Eww.
Kid 2: To someone wanting to hold your child: Of course you can hold him. Take as long as you like.
To child: 5 second rule. When you're done with that, let me know and I'll give you a wipe.
Kid 3: To someone wanting to hold your child: Oh, he's a mess, sorry. He's been crawling in the dirt and eating the dog food. And, he may be dirty {like, diaper change dirty}. I'm not sure - I couldn't tell. Hey, do you mind watching him for ten minutes?
To child: Nah, the dirt won't hurt you. You licked the shopping cart? Ha. You are so cute and funny. Let's take a pic. #mykidiscute
Scenario 5: Food
Kid 1: No, my child does not eat candy. No, he can't taste a lick of icing -- are you kidding me right now?! No, you may not give him chocolate. He will be breastfed exclusively for the first 6 months. Then, I will introduce cereal. Then, veggies FIRST, no doubt. Starting on fruits first will ruin a child, so I've read. Umm, this whole family tradition of trying ice cream on your half birthday - where did this come from again, and by ice cream, you mean frozen breast milk?
Kid 2: Goldfish - check. Fruit snacks - check. Juice box - check. Okay, my purse is ready to go. Oh wait, better make sure to grab some teddy grahams too. Check.
You're six months! Let's P-A-R-T-Y.
Kid 3: Stink! I thought I had snacks in my purse. Guess it's McDonald's. Fries and a milkshake sound good? That counts as veggies and dairy, no? Protein?
Let's be real here, you tried ice cream at 3 months. Let's start a new tradition -- cake at 6 months? Oh, wait. Have you tried that too?
Scenario 6: Diapers
Kid 1: Pampers, of course. Only the best for you.
Kid 2: Okay, I miss the Pampers smell - but Luvs will get the job done.
Kid 3: Off brand. Even though they're hideous and cheap looking - I mean, you'll survive. Ya just poop and pee in them.
Scenario 7: Baby crying in the car.
Kid 1: Pull over {maybe even exit the freeway, if needed} to see what is wrong and to tend to said child. He may need to eat!
Kid 2: Ahh, he'll be fine until we get home. {Proceed to turn the radio up just a bit to drown it out.}
Kid 3: Beg other children to make him stop. Even go as far as to say, "Just give him whatever he wants." {#epicparentfail}
Scenario 8: What you'll do to get your baby to sleep.
Kid 1: Absolutely whatever it takes! Driving in the car, bouncing up and down for two hours straight, pushing the stroller around the block no less than fifty times, etc.
Kid 2: It's okay if he cries for a few minutes. The swing has got to work sooner or later. The CIO method is seeming more and more tempting.
Kid 3: You live in the moby. You sleep off and on all day. #noworries. Oh, and the CIO method does actually work, eventually.
Conclusions:
As you go, you figure out the things that are important and the things that are not. And, you're a heck of a lot more relaxed.Live parent and learn, my friends.
Now that that's said,
To my dear children -
Kid 1: I'm sorry. I had no idea what I was doing. I hope you aren't scarred for life.
Kid 2: You caught a break, kid. A real break.
#beingsecondisntasbadasyouthought
Kid 3: You should be forever thankful to be the baby.
#youluckedout.
#beingababyisthebest.
#IshouldknowbecauseI'mthebabytoo.
Love,
Mom
And then, your little miracle arrives. Perhaps it wasn't as easy as it looked.
No doubt, your first is pretty much trial and error. By default, as parents, it's easy to be overly cautious, nervous, and perhaps a bit scared out of your minds. In many ways, you're just not rational. By number two, you have some experience under your belt and it's more of a "hey, I got this" - "been there, done that" frame of mind. You realize your kid doesn't have to meet every milestone at the pediatrician's suggested timeline and also are more inclined to accept advise. It is a huge transition from one to two, but at least you know what to expect. And by the third {clearly as far as we've gotten}, you're all, "hey kid. you're cute. welcome to the fam." You're outnumbered, but hey - all the more love to go around.
And now for some practical examples of how this is played out:
Scenario 1: You are at a family function with your baby.
Kid 1: Two words, eagle eyes. Did you know - "The eagle eye is among the strongest in the animal kingdom, with an eyesight estimated at 4 to 8 times stronger than that of the average human. An eagle is said to be able to spot a rabbit 2 miles away." Need I elaborate? Sure. Eyes are on said child the entire time. You are carefully observing every person holding him, waiting to catch them just trying to feed him something he's not supposed to have. You are consciously aware of his every move. You are waiting for him to make a peep so you can go rescue your baby. I mean, it's your baby and you want to hold him. You just can't get enough.
Kid 2: As you walk in, you hand him off. You are tired. You've been chasing a toddler and a 10 minute break sounds glorious. If he needs you, of course you are ready and willing to help. But hey, you've got nothing to prove. You're a good mom and your baby loves you - you just need a nap.
Kid 3: Where is the baby, again? Oh, I'm sure he's fine. Whatev. As long as we get him before we go...
Scenario 2: Preschool Graduation
{just a brief preface. I clearly remember, pre-kids, watching some preschool parents drop off their little darlings on the first day of school, video cameras in hand, sobbing. I may or may not have thought it was kind of funny.}
Kid 1: Dum da da da dum duuum, dum da da da duuuuum. Sob. Sob, sob, SOB, SOB. "I just can't believe he'll be in Kindergarten next year?!? Where does the time go? I promise I had him YESTERDAY. Boo. hoo. hoo."
Kid 2: Laughing hysterically. Smiling like a goon. "Oh, he is just oh so cute up there!! Look at him in that cap and gown. Just presh."
Kid 3: Yet to be determined. However, somehow I think it'll be a mixture of laughter and tears. After all, it is the baby.
Scenario 3: First report card/Homework.
Kid 1: My child is a GENIUS. I'm so glad I read with him every single day. All those flashcards pre-preschool days definitely paid off. Wow! He is sure to be a doctor or scientist!
I see in your Week-at-a-Glance that the 100th day of school is coming up in three weeks. Let's get started on your project tonight.
Kid 2: Stink. Have I checked your folder this week? Hmm. How long has this report card been in here? I'm just glad you made it to school every day. I mean... almost every day. Hehe.
Oh no. You're supposed to bring a project for your 100th day of school? That was YESTERDAY? HOW did I MISS this?
Kid 3: You aren't even in school yet. Do you have shoes on? No? Well, at least you are half way dressed. I hope I packed enough diapers today.
Scenario 4: Germs
Kid 1: To someone wanting to hold your child: Two words - antibacterial soap. Are you clean? Have you been sick, been around anyone that's sick, and have you been vaccinated? Have you been fever free for a minimum of 72 hours? Did you wash your hands for 5 minutes? OH, and IF you're thinking about holding this child, make sure he is not in the sun or his eyes aren't in the direct light. He is delicate.
To child: Don't put that in your mouth! Now you need a bath. And a change of clothes. Eww.
Kid 2: To someone wanting to hold your child: Of course you can hold him. Take as long as you like.
To child: 5 second rule. When you're done with that, let me know and I'll give you a wipe.
Kid 3: To someone wanting to hold your child: Oh, he's a mess, sorry. He's been crawling in the dirt and eating the dog food. And, he may be dirty {like, diaper change dirty}. I'm not sure - I couldn't tell. Hey, do you mind watching him for ten minutes?
To child: Nah, the dirt won't hurt you. You licked the shopping cart? Ha. You are so cute and funny. Let's take a pic. #mykidiscute
Scenario 5: Food
Kid 1: No, my child does not eat candy. No, he can't taste a lick of icing -- are you kidding me right now?! No, you may not give him chocolate. He will be breastfed exclusively for the first 6 months. Then, I will introduce cereal. Then, veggies FIRST, no doubt. Starting on fruits first will ruin a child, so I've read. Umm, this whole family tradition of trying ice cream on your half birthday - where did this come from again, and by ice cream, you mean frozen breast milk?
Kid 2: Goldfish - check. Fruit snacks - check. Juice box - check. Okay, my purse is ready to go. Oh wait, better make sure to grab some teddy grahams too. Check.
You're six months! Let's P-A-R-T-Y.
Kid 3: Stink! I thought I had snacks in my purse. Guess it's McDonald's. Fries and a milkshake sound good? That counts as veggies and dairy, no? Protein?
Let's be real here, you tried ice cream at 3 months. Let's start a new tradition -- cake at 6 months? Oh, wait. Have you tried that too?
Scenario 6: Diapers
Kid 1: Pampers, of course. Only the best for you.
Kid 2: Okay, I miss the Pampers smell - but Luvs will get the job done.
Kid 3: Off brand. Even though they're hideous and cheap looking - I mean, you'll survive. Ya just poop and pee in them.
Scenario 7: Baby crying in the car.
Kid 1: Pull over {maybe even exit the freeway, if needed} to see what is wrong and to tend to said child. He may need to eat!
Kid 2: Ahh, he'll be fine until we get home. {Proceed to turn the radio up just a bit to drown it out.}
Kid 3: Beg other children to make him stop. Even go as far as to say, "Just give him whatever he wants." {#epicparentfail}
Scenario 8: What you'll do to get your baby to sleep.
Kid 1: Absolutely whatever it takes! Driving in the car, bouncing up and down for two hours straight, pushing the stroller around the block no less than fifty times, etc.
Kid 2: It's okay if he cries for a few minutes. The swing has got to work sooner or later. The CIO method is seeming more and more tempting.
Kid 3: You live in the moby. You sleep off and on all day. #noworries. Oh, and the CIO method does actually work, eventually.
Conclusions:
As you go, you figure out the things that are important and the things that are not. And, you're a heck of a lot more relaxed.
Now that that's said,
To my dear children -
Kid 1: I'm sorry. I had no idea what I was doing. I hope you aren't scarred for life.
Kid 2: You caught a break, kid. A real break.
#beingsecondisntasbadasyouthought
Kid 3: You should be forever thankful to be the baby.
#youluckedout.
#beingababyisthebest.
#IshouldknowbecauseI'mthebabytoo.
Love,
Mom
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