more than the birds.


"waaaaah, waaaah, waaaah!!"


If more than 30 seconds passes, it elevates to...


"WAAAAH!!!"


A couple of times during my pregnancy I wondered if I was ready for the baby phase again.  After all, it's a lot of work.  But, the design of God never ceases to amaze me.  Somehow, feeding my  baby every two hours is manageable.  The crying is bearable and sometimes I even wait for it so I can rush to meet his needs or have an excuse to hold him.  Changing diapers isn't a chore, but rather an opportunity to look my precious baby in the eyes and talk, sing or play with him.  Even the tooting is kind of cute.  The instant that baby is placed in your arms, you're completely head over heels, down to the core in LOVE.  You don't understand a world where this tiny being doesn't exist.  You are completely taken.


Being a parent is such a gift.  Not only because in and of itself, it's the best thing in the world, but because it gives us such a beautiful picture of God's love for us.  After all, we are called children of God.   Knowing the love I have for my kids,  it gives me a glimpse and an appreciation of the depths of His love for me.  The thought of this leaves me speechless. I know it's not humanly possibly for me to describe the love I have for my boys.  And that doesn't even begin to compare to the extent of His love for me.  Wow. 


The past few weeks have been an even greater reminder of that because caring for an infant requires complete devotion and attentiveness on my end and complete trust and dependency on his end.  This tiny little being cannot survive without me meeting his most basic of needs.  He NEEDS me and I willingly attend to his needs because I LOVE him.  I adore him and desire to do anything and everything for him.  


I was reading this morning... 


"Behold the birds of the heaven, that they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; and your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are not ye of much more value then they?"


It makes me think of my trust {or often lack of trust} in God.  Why is trusting so difficult?  


I constantly think this with Jeremiah.  If he cries for more than a few seconds and he's hungry, he starts to panic.  His screams elevate.  His face gets red and I'm sure his blood pressure is rising.  He looks panicked- scared, even.  I'll pick him up and he instantly stops.  He sighs, calming himself down.  But then, if I don't almost immediately begin feeding him, he starts to panic again.  He begins to cry, almost worse than before.  His eyes look worried.  I finally begin feeding and he eats in a fury as if it's his last meal.  He breathes heavily and his eyes rapidly move from side to side.  He whimpers, slowing his breathing.  I want to tell him, "Don't you know I'm here?  Don't know you I'll always take care of you?  Have I ever not fed you?  Please, little guy- just trust me.  Know that mommy is right here.  My job is to protect and love you and all you have to do is trust."


I want him to know I'm here.  I want him to know he's safe.  It makes my heart sad when he doubts.


Don't I know God is saying the same thing to me?  


"Trust me."


I long for that dependency.  As much as Jeremiah needs me, I want to need God, rather than so often relying on my own abilities.  I am stubborn.  I like to do everything myself.  I like control.  But more than anything, I know when I'm able to release control is the second I allow His love to truly cover me.  Lord, help me to put my confidence in you.


"[Most] blessed is the man who believes in, trusts in, and relies on the Lord, and whose hope and confidence the Lord is." Jeremiah 17: 7


Jeremiah is one month tomorrow.  Here is his one month shot :)

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