Bittersweet

The reasoning for my title of this post, "bittersweet", is because my mom came to San Diego from Texas to visit with us for Thanksgiving. We have had such a nice, relaxing and enjoyable week together. The boys have had an absolute blast and Silas already told her that she was not going home, but was going to stay. My dad stayed in Texas with Jay, Rebekah, Jackson & Haven. While I was able to spend this special week and day with my mom, I was saddened to not see everyone else. It was such a fabulous day and now I'm sitting here, unable to sleep, sad that it has to end. We have to get up early tomorrow and send my mom back home on the airplane to Tyler. There is no way to describe the pit that is in my stomach and how that just hurts my heart. I genuinely hate it. I hate being away from people that I love, and who love me. There's something safe about the love you receive from your family. It doesn't matter what you do or how you act, you can just relax around them. You don't have to be anything other than just plain ole you - it's just comfortable. I certainly know the love I have for my kids, and I know that's how my parents feel about me. Not to mention, how they feel about their grandkids. There's nothing like seeing my parents play and interact with my kids. I think it's the greatest thing ever and it breaks my heart every time we are separated again. I will never forget when Silas was born. My parents were able to fly in on his birthday and stayed with us for a little over a week. It was amazing. Then the day came when we had to send them off with my week old son in my arms, both my parents crying, and me just a hysterical mess. In that instant I felt devastated. Since then, I still feel that same pit in my stomach when they come and go. I remember the same feeling when Eli was born and the very first time they said goodbye to him. For that trip, they had driven from Texas. So they got up early one morning and walked out my door, and drove off with me feeling like my house was empty. I hate that empty feeling. Your house was full all week, and you come back home and it seems like something is missing. I see the empty closet where their suitcases were, the blankets folded up on the bed, and still smell my dad's cologne in my bathroom. It just plain sucks.

I know I'm going on and on right about now. I'm not trying to be pessimistic or drown in my sorrow. I truly believe that I am blessed beyond measure and have so much to be thankful for. I pray that God will give me the grace to continue to deal with this particular situation, because it's something that's really hard for me. I have lived away from my family for almost 9 years now (crazy!!). I keep waiting for it to get easier. I'll end with lyrics from a Caedmon's Call song, "Faith My Eyes". I was listening to this the other day and there's never a time I hear this song that it doesn't bring tears to my eyes.