life update {perhaps I should have picked a different word}

July 30, 2018

But, God.

My mind has been spinning for several days now, wondering how to begin this post. If ever there was a life update people should know about, it would be this one.

I would love if you took the time to read this post first, because it was one I wrote as my word for the year and my heart regarding that. I didn't understand it at the time. I do now, and am not sure whether to laugh, or cry. It actually gives me goose bumps reading it, knowing what I know now.

So, we are moving. To Texas.

For some this may be the shock of the century and for others, maybe not so much. There's so many things to say. This is something we have discussed before, but it certainly wasn't on my list of things I thought we would do this year. Follow Me.

We 100% believe this is where God is leading us and we are stepping out in faith and trusting in His plan for our family. As with anything, there are ups and downs, pros and cons. It is certainly bittersweet. We are losing some things, we are gaining some things.

Outside of family and the amazing people that we have come to know and love, the main thing that breaks my heart is our school. I get a lump in my throat and my eyes tear up every single time I think about it. Even right now. If you have ever read my blog or listened to me talk, our school has been our home. Our family. I began working at Bonita Christian two days after we arrived in San Diego. All four of my children have literally been raised there {from inside my tummy, to being a baby in the office, to going to school there}. Outside of the four walls of our home, that is where we have spent most of our time. I could count the days we have not been to the school. Also if you have read my blog, you know if you love my kids - you're endeared to my heart forever. So. many. people. have poured their hearts into my children's hearts. They have not just taught them, they have loved them. They have been my family. Our family. It has been my ministry here. It is the one thing I cannot process. It's the one thing I simply do not want to deal with. It breaks my heart. Truly.

On the flip side of that, we have found a school we are excited about. We visited when I was in Tyler a couple of weeks ago. It is a university model school that is half at school, half at home. Dusty and I both feel like this is going to be an amazing time to invest even more into our family, particularly the "big boys". We are in that preteen phase where they still love us and like hanging out with us and they still hear our voice. We really want to use this time so very wisely. There are so many things we have always talked about doing, but have yet to do. We want to put more focus on how we can serve God together as a family, and not only pour into their hearts even more, but show them how to pour into others. We want to serve alongside them, particularly taking some overseas mission trips and exposing them to "the ends of the earth".

Okay, so why do we have to move to do that?

Well, we don't have to. But we believe this will give us the best opportunity to. Living in Southern California, though beautiful, is expensive. By selling our home here, we can pay cash for a house there. With limited expenses and more time, this gives us more opportunity. It's crazy to think that Silas is 12, almost 13. Eli isn't far behind him. Time isn't working with us here ;)

But aren't you excited about going home?

So, I am 36 years old. I left home when I was 18. Though I know I will instantaneously have connections and family there, San Diego has become my home. It is all I have ever known with my kids. It is all they have ever known. It is all Dusty has ever known. Home, obviously, is where our family is so we will make Tyler our home. We will terribly miss our family here and the things that we are leaving behind. I am thrilled to pick up on relationships and see what is in store for us there, but that doesn't necessarily make it easy. I'm not sure anyone just loves change. And this is a BIG change.

Are the kids excited?

Fantasy versus reality. In theory, they are pumped. They are all super happy to move, which relieves my heart. I think part of it is the adventure. They are super excited to live around Mamaw and Papaw. They want to experience seasons. Believe it or not, and I know this is surprising to everyone that goes to the beach for vacation -- brace yourselves -- my kids hate the beach. They hate year round summer. Classic example of the grass is always greener on the other side. Of course they are sad about missing family here, but they are excited for the adventure.

When are you moving?

Less than two weeks. Yep. August 11th. Why so soon? Because we want to start the kids in school there. We feel like this would be the best transition. My parents had already bought tickets to San Diego that week to help watch the kids while I was at in-service. Well, new plan. We will be packing up the house that week and flying out the same day they do. They are leaving Texas with two people and returning with eight. Dusty will be driving my car and some of our things out at that time.

That seems really soon. Has your house sold?

Well, no. Again, we are taking a step of faith, trusting and believing God's plan for our family. We will stay with my parents until the house sells and then buy out there. There's no pressure because their home is our home. They already have their house ready for us.

How come I haven't heard anything about this?

Don't worry, no one has. We have only told our very immediate family. I'm sorry. I would love to have an extensive conversation with everyone, but that's just not possible. Also, the second I start talking I start crying and you wouldn't be able to understand me anyway. So, that's why I wanted to spill my heart out on here.

You're crazy.

Maybe it seems that way. But really, we are stepping out on faith and following God's lead in our lives. Jesus was pretty radical, I'd say. I would like to be more like him and less like me. I want to live more in faith, and less in my own fears and doubts, because believe me - I have tons when I am living in my own strength.

I know this is getting long. I have a hundred more things I could say. We are excited, and a little bit scared. We are hopeful, we are trusting. We are also at peace, We love you and we would love your support. To our San Diego family, you have no idea what you mean to us. There's not enough words. To my school family, what you have given our family has been irreplaceable. To our future Texas family, if you see us around... we might need a hug. And, lots of friends.

"For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland."

Isaiah 43:19.

But, God.