The Christmas season is magical. The soft glow of the Christmas tree makes your house feel ever so cozy. The lights and decor everywhere you go, the cheery music playing in all the stores, and the sweet anticipation from the kids (particularly the littles, who still have such a since of awe & wonder) ... just makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. But the true magic of the season is the miracle of our Savior's birth. When my heart truly focuses on that, it brings me to tears. Every time.
Last year the entire holiday season felt like a blur. To be honest, it was all I could do to even get through it. I don't speak much about how my pregnancies have gone while in the midst of it, but they have all been pretty fearful. The risk to the baby (from cholestasis) is stillbirth, so while I lived with that haunting thought, speaking of it aloud was more than I could really deal with. That's why my pregnancies were all monitored so closely and why they were one giant countdown for me. Not that it isn't for everyone, but the only thing my mind could focus on was getting that baby out. Since her birthday was so close to Christmas (hence the nickname, Christmas Eva), Christmas felt even that much more special. Being pregnant at this time of year, I really connected even more to the Christmas story, thinking of Mary carrying that sweet little babe. I couldn't listen to a single song without the deluge of tears just a flowing. The hope and anticipation was the only thing that got me through. That, and the faith that God had her in His hands and she was going to be okay.
I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that that was a year ago. It has been a blink. How are we back here again, full circle? Every time someone mentions how big she is getting or that her birthday is coming up, my mommy heart wants to cry. How is my tiny 5 pound baby now a year old? If I am really honest, I gotta admit that I was inwardly dreading Christmas this year. I didn't want to decorate and was hardly excited about it. But now that I'm embracing it and just living in it, I am so joyful and thankful for this past year. Sweet Eva has been the biggest gift to our family and we have cherished every second of it. We fall more in love with her every day. How could we not? She is honestly the sweetest little thing I ever could have imagined. She is so calm, and sweet, and happy. Her birthday post will be coming up in the next few weeks and I'm beginning to think about making her one year video. I know I will cry going through all of it. But, the happiest, most grateful tears.
So all that to say, Christmas feels even more special to me this year. I am embracing all of it and cannot wait to experience it with my sweet (and complete) family. I'm gonna link some of my favorite Christmas songs below. Grab a box of tissue, and enjoy!
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| the best new gift this year is right there under my tree! |
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| my four GIFTS |
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| angel baby |
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