perfect love.

February 15, 2021

Love.

Love is a word that is often overused. I love pizza. I love Target. I love Starbucks. I am fond of all of those things, but I do not love them. If you had any presence on social media yesterday - on Valentines - likely your entire scrolling experience involved expressions of love. All of which could have made you feel joy or sadness. Or maybe even completely alone. I've certainly been there.

My heart has been reflective lately in thinking of experiencing a new kind of love, of considering God's love for me, and of my desire for other people to know His love. What does it look like? How does it change the way I operate? My heart has been in process of healing and correcting many mistruths that snuck in throughout the years. Falling in love, though magical, does not fix all the damage. Healing requires digging deep, and naming even the darkest of lies and questions. Were I not to get to the source, I wouldn't even be able to receive love at all. The doubts still creep in, but so does His still small voice, which is becoming louder and louder as I go.

Calvin and I went out on Saturday night to celebrate our first Valentines. I cannot remember the last time I went out or did anything for Valentines. I remember feeling a heaviness last year, so longing to experience something like that of which all my facebook "friends" were sharing. In the years prior, scrolling left me feeling nauseous, sad, and invisible. As we were chatting the other night, Calvin mentioned that I looked "happy" before. He has browsed my social media posts of my life before us, as I have his. I cannot deny how it may have looked or how it was perceived. No one would have known otherwise. Somehow we can get lost between those tiny little squares. Maybe those are our best moments. Maybe they're representations of our deepest longings. But they certainly do not tell the full story.

As I reflect on how full circle my story has turned, I rejoice. God has been kind. As thankful as I am for the love He brought me, I also fully realize that love does not exist outside of Him. We were created for relationship with Him and with others. It is a gift. But it was never meant to be separate from Him. If our relationship does not begin with God, we are not living to the fullest realization of ourselves individually, or together. I cannot look to any other to fill the space that only God can fill. He is love. He is the source.

Once I understand that, I can ask:

How can I love better? How can I love as Jesus loved? His love was not contingent on a person's behavior, their status, or their sin. He loved the unlovable, the untouchable, and the outcasts. His love was not judgmental or condemning. Could I say that? Could you say that?

“Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” Romans‬ ‭12:10, 14-18‬ ‭

This is perfect love. I challenge you to read it again. Let it sink in. It may feel or seem impossible, right? It it one hundred percent contrary to our flesh. But, if we can allow Jesus in, if we can allow His perfect love to transform our hearts and our minds, we can demonstrate this kind of love to others. We can know this kind of love. Not by our will, but by His. It is only in and through Him that this is possible.

Love is a choice. It's easy to form a conclusion about someone based on what we see. We can slap a label on them, dislike them, dismiss them, discredit them. But what about what is not seen? Because friends, we never have all the facts. We do not know all the hurt. We do not know the most hidden experiences and pain. But what if we could look past the outward and really see people? Despite their flaws, despite their sin, even despite their feelings towards us, can we see them as Jesus does? We are all fully known and loved by Him. Therefore, we can offer love. And Grace. I often pray for ears to hear and eyes to see, not just for what God has for me, but for the people around me. I want to see them through His eyes. I want to love as He first loved me, and as I also want to be loved.

"Let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love."

My prayer is that we can fully embrace His love for us. That we may know "how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is." And that it would change us from the inside out. No matter where you are today - if you are alone, if you're are in a house full of people, if you feel unseen or unloved, that you would feel His presence even now. Because, you are dearly loved.

*Side Note*

You may notice, I changed the name of my blog. A beautiful crown. Isaiah 61:3 is a Scripture I held onto and claimed after everything happened. I believed God would restore our family. I believed God would give me a new name, both figuratively and literally. I knew He was bringing me back to my calling and into new. I also believed He would bring me a husband. In working all things for good, as He so faithfully does, He brought me a love like I've never known, and a new name indeed. A crown of beauty for ashes has been spoken over me so many times, by dear friends. Today, I randomly looked up the meaning of my new name, Stevens, which means "crown". I had no idea. He has indeed crowned us with beauty. God gave our family "a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair."