Time to Re-focus
Typically we anticipate the new year and a "fresh start". It's a tangible perspective of really putting the past behind and making changes in the future. As a Believer, I feel this is something we should actively live everyday - die to self and live by the power of the Holy Spirit. "No, I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us up to heaven." Everyday is new opportunity. What an amazing thing - the grace that God offers us with each new moment. We can "throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and run with perseverance the race marked out for us" We must "fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith" and "consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that [we] will not grow weary and lose heart."
Such a beautiful thing. It amazes me how I can know all these things, yet continually fail to live by them. I say all this to say, my "fresh start" in this new year has been much short of that and I haven't handled it all that well. I've been sort of an emotional wreck lately! We had three weeks off for Christmas, which put my kid's normal routine and schedule into absolute chaos. I have spent the past few weeks accommodating for that in re-training their attitudes (they got a little spoiled by the grandparents), getting bedtimes and our morning routine back in order, going back to school, etc. We had a few "normal" days and then Eli and I got super sick. I was off most of that week and just plain miserable. This did nothing to help get back on track. Last week was absolutely crazy weather, pouring rain every single day and even hailing. This did nothing but make my kids stir crazy and I couldn't get all my normal errands accomplished because the weather was that bad. It's next to impossible to get the kids in and out of the car, into a store, and do that while remaining even the slightest bit dry. This weekend went nothing like I planned and I pretty much just crashed into bed last night wanting to cry.
This morning I woke up late and was pretty much running out the door - bad mood included. I got to work and thought, 'seriously - this has got to stop'! I decided to have a good attitude and it does wonders. After work I went for a run by the lake and then let the kids play and feed the ducks. Then, we all got a soda and went to the "food store", a.k.a. the grocery store. I came home, put everything away, worked on some laundry and picked up the house. Somewhere in the midst of this I was able to just breathe and relax. I am trying to put myself behind me and realize I must stay focused on God! I let myself get way too discouraged and cannot let myself run on my emotions. Rather, I need to be more flexible and rely on God to give me strength. Besides, I don't really have it all that bad. Sometimes we just need perspective - like remembering the people in Haiti, or reading the news and seeing all the things going on in the world. I am so incredibly blessed and I know it. People go through things everyday that are unimaginable and we go about our days completely oblivious. My desire is to put aside my selfishness and really live my life for other people. Afterall, if my focus is on others and not on myself, I wouldn't allow myself to get in this crazy emotional state I've been in the past few weeks. My prayer for today is that I will truly put my faith and trust in His love and in His promises. I pray that I will continually remember that, "The unfailing love of the LORD never ends! By His mercies we have been kept from complete destruction. Great is His faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each day. I say to myself, 'The LORD is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in Him!'"
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